America the Yellow

I was torturing myself earlier today by spending a few minutes listening to the appallingly mindless shit pouring from the mouths of Bush and Kerry in their recent first debate. At the same time, there were a few other thoughts turning in the back of my head, and the debate, as it were, brought things to a bit of a head.

I counted the use of a few terms in the debate. Granted, my count might be off, but a bit of an underlying theme emerges.
– secure: ~7 times
– protect ~15 times
– safe: ~15 times

Why the hell are Americans so obsessed with being safe? Seriously, people. Whatever happened to the America that produced the old West, those kickass pioneers who duked it out with the kickass natives, everybody kicking each others’ asses until nobody could sit down anymore? Now, it seems like both Bush and Kerry are more concerned with finding the softest pillows in the world to place under their fat, stinking butts.

Both Bush and Kerry go on about killing terrorists, protecting America, making America great, blah blah blah. I have a bit of a curiosity. See, if it was up to me, I just want guns. Big guns. If I see a terrorist on my way to work doing something heinous, like giving old ladies wedgies instead of helping them cross the street, I will use my big guns to paint the sidewalk with terrorist brains. So what happened to the rest of Americans? You’d think with us producing stuff like gangsta rap and the Matrix, we must still have a collective national grip on what it means to be badass. Instead, the military can’t keep enough soldiers and mothers hide their childrens’ faces when grainy videos of Osama Bin Laden in his bedsheets pop onto the television screen. Indeed, sales of air freshener have recently gone through the roof due to Americans shitting their pants every time the President decides to play with his little terrorism alert scale.

One of my friends asked me recently, what’s with Americans being so willing to bend over and lube up every time Big Brother says “National Security?” See, it’s the safety thing. What I think happened is this. In 1776, America kicked off the training pants and said “I’m a big boy now.” In 1860, America was doing its teenage rebellion thing. In 1914 and 1942, America was in its prime. Now? America is at the geriatric stage, having to pin hugeass diapers on with fucking safety pins because they can’t control their bowel movements every time someone says “terrorist.”

In his speech, Bush said that September 11 changed the way America must look at the world. I have a different suspicion. I think September 11 revealed that Americans can no longer roll with the punches. Instead, we cower in the corners, create departments of homeland security, make our borders so tight that even our friends can’t get in, and now we’re so fucking scared that we bury our heads in the sand and pray for strong leadership to protect our vulnerable asses from terrorist rapists. What do I think needs to be done?

Easy. I think Americans should get over it. ‘Terrorists’ are mostly pissed at us because we have troops in their countries interfering in their business. As long as we do that, they pretty much have every right to try to hit us where it hurts, and we should stand up and take it instead of trying to reshape the world into some sort of fascist wet dream where everything is perfectly secure for us. I know if it were the other way around, I’d be out there with whatever firearms I could find taking potshots at invading soldiers. So call me a terrorist. No, I think we should try to do more useful things…maybe develop space ships that don’t blow apart, or perhaps try to make sure that a quarter of our children are not growing up in poverty. Is it a pipe dream to think that the first duty of a state is to take care of its people?

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