Book Review: George Mikes’ Tsi-Tsa

I’ve decided that since I read a lot of books, I might as well review them here for other peoples’ enjoyment – or to spare them the trouble of reading the book themselves.

Cass suggested that I read a little (only 100 pages or so) book called Tsi-Tsa, by George Mikes, even though she didn’t really remember it. So since it was really short, I spent an hour yesterday reading it.

Warning: this review contains SPOILERS!!1!!1!!!1111

First, apparently Tsi-Tsa is phoneticization of Hungarian “cica,” meaning “pussy.” Just so we have that clear. (Specifically, it doesn’t mean “cat” – the concept, sure, but not the word.)

In a nutshell, the story is:

  • George doesn’t like cats. He remembers boys in his town killing them by inserting water pumps in their anuses and making them swell up until the animals explode. Seriously. I can’t make this shit up.
  • George leaves his doors and windows open for some dumb reason. (Later, George gets robbed because of this. Gee, who would have seen that coming?)
  • Cat walks into George’s house, so he feeds it.
  • Cat enjoys being fed by a sucker.
  • Cat stays at George’s house; Cat’s REAL owner gives George half of the cat. We’re never cleared on which half he owns.
  • Cat moves into George’s house because she got tired of eating Spanish food.
  • Cat’s owner gives other half of Cat to George.
  • Cat runs away.
  • George gets hit in the eye with a tennis ball and contemplates suicide. He gets robbed (see above re: doors and windows). His car blows up and catches on fire.
  • George finds Cat.
  • Cat gets hit by a car.
  • Cat stays in the hospital for a while.
  • Cat goes back to George’s house.

The end!

The only good thing about this novel was its length, and one minor anecdote: Some tough guy’s dog died, so he was crying to his mother. She said, “Get a new dog!” He looked at her and said, “And when you die, I’ll get another little old lady!”

Otherwise, this book was a barely-disguised attack on humans. First, by wasting their time by making them read it, and secondly by pretty much explicitly stating on the last page that it was written because humans aren’t more special than cats and a cat deserves a biography too. Take that, lame humans.

Now you don’t have to read it!

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